Looking for Bars, folding underwear, and Chinese sidewalks.

In March of 2014, Our dreams came true. We met our Chu. We were not only thrilled to have our Chu but had the extra BONUS of meeting my dear friend, Melanie, in China. She was not only a fellow adoptive mom but she was also the same Denomination as me, LDS.  Both Melanie and I were amazed that everything had worked perfectly for us to be in Guangzhou together.  If one tiny thing had gone wrong, it wouldn't have happened.
One night, as Shane, Q and I were walking back from Pizza Hut, we ran into Melanie. We said the usual, "Oh Hi!!! blah.. blah.. but THEN Melanie introduced us to a Chinese couple. She said something about the couple running a foster home and I remember thanking this couple for taking care of the children in China and off we went. 

Little did I know that, that one tiny moment would be so significant. So remember that as you read my ramblings. 

I'm changed.
I am no longer the same person.
Shane has changed.
Questen has changed.
Our eyes have seen what most others in the US  have not and I suspect most do not want to see. If you have not yet read about our trip to Chu's orphanage, you can read about it here.  But then come back, because I'm pretty sure you'll want to read what I have to say.

My heart is no longer my own. It just isn't. It belongs to God and to the children of the world. The suffering. I see baby's and children wasting away.   Material possessions seem ridiculous! Christmas held a whole lot of guilt for me this year because PEOPLE we have TOO MUCH and others have TOO LITTLE.

The other day, as I was looking for pictures of the orphanage on my phone  I abruptly realized that subconsciously I was looking for Bars.

For Bars.

Tiny Jail cells for babies and children. Wow! So no wonder I can't sit ideally. No wonder I'm not content.

The last 6 months I've been a little obsessed with the women in the scriptures.  I went so far as to watch Ruth and Esther movies on Netflix while I folded laundry.  (Yes, I'm laughing at my self for admitting that.)

What I gained from these scriptures is that I want to be like these women. I want to do Gods will.

I am extremely far from perfect. Our family misses too much Church and my house is cluttered but I am willing. I am willing to go where my Lord wants me to go.

So folks! Were moving to China.

Just kidding. We are not. (Please, nobody tell my mom that. She will have a heart attack.) Really! I'm just kidding.

But Advocating for children was a natural course for me and I started advocating a bit.  For those who don't know, advocating is sharing about a child so that, hopefully, said child's family will find them. Thus, Advocating put many orphans in my FB news feed.

And as I would Advocate, my little darling 3 year old daughter would tell me things about her  "Teeny Tiny friend in China"
This girl got her momma thinking and praying.  "Lead me, dear Lord"

In November, I saw this teeny little "baby" of a girl. Only she wasn't a baby. She was a toddler.  She was malnourished and her tiny bones spoke to my heart.

This heart that knew what it was like to see your child starving a world away.
Feelings of "please someone help my child" flooded me. 

I couldn't stand it! I knew she needed help. I called the agency with the thought in mind that I could either 

A) Help find her a family. 

Or

B) Maybe one of my volunteer friends at love without boundaries could get food to her.

As I talked to baby girl's case worker (CW),  I told her about Chu. I told her that I hoped the family that adopted her would realize that this little one needed some TLC. 

I was surprised the next day to receive the little girls file.

I was guarding my heart. DON'T FALL IN LOVE, LACY!

And I didn't. Not right off.

In fact, She scared me. And Shane's words were the same, "She scares me, Lacy"

Why? She was 19 months and the size of maybe a 3 month old! But then I kept thinking, If we had seen Chu at 19 months old he might have looked worse.

The one video we had, She screamed her head off. Shane was like, "She's going to hate us."
and I didn't disagree.

So many things were holding us back.

But the biggest thing...WE HAVE NO MONEY!! It's not like with Chu, we don't have anything to sell.

Little girl was also at a whole new agency. That changes the game too. Could we trust this agency?

and She's well, She's a She! I'm such a boy advocate and here I am being drawn to a baby girl... But God laughs at Lacy's plans.

And did we mention, WE HAVE NO MONEY!! and well it was conveniently Christmas too. No Biggie... (Excuse me while I go blow in a bag)

I started researching the agency and baby girls special need. It wasn't long before my Adoption Momma friends were on to me. Adoption Momma's are the best in the world!! They are loving (unconditionally) , giving, God fearing, snoopy, umm... caring about what their other adoption momma friends do, and these momma's change the world.

So of course, I was getting private messages right and left.

 I confessed to friends  that I was scared.  One friend told me,

"Book if Esther tells us  - we can say no but He tells us we will lose out on our greatest blessings"

Oh Golly! There was Esther again. Not only was she showing up while I fold underwear but now she's in my messages.

Then another friend told me this.
 "I think it might seem scarier because you get the feeling you don't deserve her. She is your precious pearl that you found in the desert and will sell anything to get to her. I know what you are feeling. Well I am telling you that God gives us rewards. And she is proof! She is your pearl. And a jewel in your crown too!"

You know what? My friend was right. All those excuses I listed were good ones. NO MONEY is pretty scary but mostly, I felt SPOILED and UNWORTHY.  I also knew that God was testing my Faith. 
In many of my posts I have  begged you all to "Adopt.The money will come," ? Well, Now I'm testing my own faith. and my pride! Wholly Prideful, I am!!! Asking for money, makes me want to throw up!

"Ain't gonna let Satan's goons steal our joy. God gives gifts where he sees fit and if God wants your family and my family to have a little girl, then we are gonna take the gift and praise the Lord" My friend continued. 

Then, I told my friend Melanie about the little girl. Remember Melanie, my friend I met in China? I sent Melanie a picture. "I know this girl!", She said. "Lacy, You met her caretakers!!!"

Yes Folks! The Chinese couple that i met on a Chinese sidewalk, that ran a foster home, have baby girl in their care!!! Out of all the orphans in china, I ended up with one of their kids files!
Could this be, just a coincidence? 

No, I knew then that at the very least, I was suppose to have this girl's file but its not always easy to let go and Do.

Shane and I prayed. My prayer was that Shane would know.  It was really important to me that Shane got the "go ahead" from our heavenly father and NOT me.

Shane kept feeling like "It was up to us" and sense it was "up to us" then we COULD Say no.

So on a Monday morning, I was calling to tell our agency NO. I said one last prayer, "Father, if she's ours, Shane needs a push. because were about to say No."

In less then an hour, we got new video of baby girl and pictures! With Chu I only got new pictures maybe 4 times in a year! and for them to come right then. Right at the last second....

I knew she was ours, but Shane,
Would he feel or see what I could?

He watched the video. This time, baby girl wasn't screaming like a banshee. She was alert, bright eyed, beautiful.

WARNING: Swearing ahead.

"Damn't Lacy, do not fall in love with any more orphans, Okay? She's the last! But Yeah, She's ours. We need to go get her."

I love my husband. His bluntness makes him so rugged and sexy. TMI, Lacy. ;)



So I'm betting you want details!!


I can tell you this.
We've had a few people tell us that baby girl looks like our oldest daughter. There is something to that. They both have round heads and the same eye shape.

Baby girl will be two in March. She has a cleft palate only. She was a preemie.

Until last April, she was very neglected and was basically on the brink of death. Just after we met her caretakers, they brought her into their foster home. The caretakers are a wonderful Christian couple and they love the kids. It's not a house. Its a facility within the orphanage where they are able to give the kids more one on one care. They have 15 kids total in their care.

Baby girl is steadily gaining weight under their care. She is still only 10.5 pounds, though. I was told she's in 3-6 month clothes. She still needs home quickly.

We think she's going to be stubborn! Ha!  She'll fit right in. Ha ha...  We think she might take longer to warm up to us. She has a good amount of stranger danger.

She's beautiful and we can't wait to hold her. 

We're excited and amazed. We're Trusting.

Fund link below. 

https://www.youcaring.com/AddinganAtwood