My hands are full...

We haven't ventured out very much but almost every outing I hear, "Wow! You've got your hands full." 

Most of the time, I think this is said with love or just because it's something to say. There's  a few people that have that "your absolutely nuts" look to go with the comment. Ha! 

"Yeah, I do." I say with a smile but I'm thinking you don't know the half of it. 

Many adoptive friends have tried to prepare me for when were home.

"It's harder then bringing home a newborn." They all would say. 

Thinking back to when I had my first baby... I was scared to death! Much more scared then I was with our adoption. But There's  many things that you learn to do pretty fast. A lot of motherly instinct kicks in. By a month in, you can distinguish from a "I'm hungry" cry, "I'm wet" cry, or "I hurt" cry. You can tell from your child's face if there pooping or in pain, mad, content, or hungry.  You, at least, know what to expect, most of the time. Like he will sleep at noon but I'll be up all night. Ha... True story.

 If your nursing, your baby's a pro by now and your boobs are past the tendernous.  If your not, You most likely have the formula figured out and can make a bottle with your eyes shut.

 You can change a diaper like a wiz. Poop no longer scares or gags you because you've seen enough of it that your immune. 

That little baby relys on you and knows you'll meet every need. 

You may have even experience one of my most favorite moments as a new mom. If not, it's coming soon. 

This moment- 

We all know that baby's only think of one thing. Food. 

Your cradling your sweet angel baby in your arms. They are eating like they normally do. (For me, it was nursing) Chugging along swallowing that sweet nector.  Your studying there little face. Watching there plump little cheeks move in and out, there eyelashes fluttering gently as they swallow. 

Then suddenly, they take their eyes of the prize. They look up. They look at you! They stop drinking. They stop drinking long enough to study your face for a change. 

 Your eyes meet.  

You see your love reflected back.

It's only for a moment, but you know that they know it is you providing that white stuff they love so much! Food is love for an infant...

And that moment gets you through the next 12  months of sleep deprivation. 

So after four kids, I should be a pro. I mean I've seen it all. Ive experienced a lot. I've been pooped on, puked on, changed more diapers then I can count. Said things I never thought I would say like... "We mustn't ever ever put pee in a squirt gun!" 

With Chu I wasn't really scared. Scared to leave my kids and scared of the airplane flights. Scared, a little the day before, that I wouldn't attach to him. Not at all scared of taking care of Chu.

 I think two things were going on. One, Heavenly Father was carrying me. I had given my fear to him. Two, I thought I was prepared. 

I was. I was prepared as you can be without living it. 

But living it. It's entirely different.  Had I known how hard it is to know what to do... I would have been a little more scared. 

One month home with Chu I'm still figuring things out. With our little Chu, it's like putting together a puzzle but your missing peices. Missing peices like love, attention, touch, speech, sound, activity, reflexes that infants go through, food and nutrician. 

So we cut and paint our own puzzle piece to fill in the space. (My grandma use to do this. I learn from the best! ) Sometimes, when we think we have the peice just right we realize we have to tweak it even more for the unique space. Sometimes, we have to take out peices that we thought were okay and their not. Sometimes, we have to remove pieces that other people put there that are wrong! 

The word "Mom" is such a precious word. But in Chu's orphanage (swi) "mama" was used for every Nanny. I find myself struggling with the fact that when Chu calls for "Mama" it may not be because he wants me. How many "momma's" has he known? 

10? 

More then 10?!? 

 So, I feel a lot of pressure to teach him that here... Mama, it's special.  This Mama is forever! 

I think throwing in the swi was allowed because Chu throws food. For a child who wants food every minute, he sure throws a lot of it. He throws other things too.  Sometimes, if he's mad and, sometimes, just as a game. So that's one peice we are trying to replace. 

I've been told that in Ch;na they don't tell children "no". So when Chu is told "no" he laughs. Yup, apparently, the word "no" is hilarious. Let me tell you, with that giggle and that smile it's really hard for me to keep a straight face too. Haha...

Chu can crawl about three steps, only. we were home a week before realizing that was it. His little arms just can't hold him up for very long and his flexability pushes him off of his tops of his knees and onto the insides of his legs. It looks like a frog. So Chu has physical theropy for crawling. Crawling is so important! You can read about it http://www.babble.com/baby/crawling-is-crucial/

We are working on whining. Whining doesn't happen so much when all of my children are home. Chu is more comfortable in crowds. (In fact, he's down right charming in crowds!) 

I'm guessing, he learned to be charming to get attention, praise, and possibly extra food. 

So, no....He doesn't just have an out going personality. This is why just Shane and I are feeding him (no exceptions) and Making his world small. 

And he was surrounded by people all the time in the swi. So when it's just Chu, Lydia, and I, there are a lot more insecurities. Whining to be held all day long. Whining for food, even though, he just ate and ate a lot! I don't always know how to handle this so I'm asking for prayers in this area. For him, for Shane and for me. 

But please don't pray that I'll learn patience! ;) Ha! I know how patience is learned and I can't learn it right now. I've been learning it for over a year... Waiting for this sweet child! 

 Nap time is a strange puzzle peice...it was great the first two weeks. But now! Sometimes, he just will not go to sleep. Or he'll go to sleep and Lydia won't. He wants held all day but at bed time he doesn't want held, at all... Hmmm...

Most of you know, Chu drinks from a bottle.

 (This is a first for me. I've probably made 5 bottles my whole life now I make 5 a day. I am getting to be a pro at it, but some REAL honesty here, I miss nursing! It is just so convenient and I really dislike forking out $25 a week!)

Am I in a hurry to ween him off of a bottle?  Not at all! 

 In fact, I was thrilled he was still on a bottle! The bottle allows us to reprogram his brain, in a sense. 

The first time I tried to feed Chu a bottle I hadn't cut the nipple. I learned that Chu could not suck. Forty five minutes later and he hadn't drank one whole ounce! 

It was then that I found the bottle the director had sent with him. The nipple was cut so big I could stick my finger in it! 

(Most orphanages have so many babies to feed that they cut the nipple big so the babies can drink fast. They also prop bottles up and many babies do drown. )

This is such a normal and important reflex that I knew we needed to teach it. 

So I cut the nipple. Not as big as they did but fairly big. Then a week after home I got new nipples and cut them but smaller. Just last week, I bought new nipples and did not cut them. :)  

Chu can hold the bottle himself but I don't let him. This is one of those backward puzzle peices. I tuck one arm behind my back and either put a toy in his hand or give it a massage. As I feed him the bottle I tuck his face as close to my chest as possible. So he can smell what his momma smells like. I will rub his face. Whisper sweet nothings to him like "bao bei" precious.  He needs this for so so many reasons. Touch, attention, bonding...

The first week, Chu was so starved for food he wouldn't look anywhere, while drinking, but at the bottle. 

Then one day, as I was rubbing his face, watching his plump cheeks move, whispering my sweet words, and counting his dark eyelashes chu stopped drinking. 

He looked at my face. 

He looked in my eyes. 

I saw the love reflected back. 

He smiled. The sweetest smile.

 He knows... At least a little... That I'm the one providing the white nector. 

And that look will get me through the sleep deprived nights, the whining, the jealous toddlers,...

 That look is my nector.  That look is my patience. 

I can..

Watch as a giant daddy pickes up and nuzzles a itty bitty boy that comes running with his arms up saying "Baba... Baba." 

Watch how a big 12 year old boy teaches a baby to "vroom" a car. And drive it all over his head. 

Watch how a 9 year old melts looking at her toddler siblings and wants to mother them herself. 

Watch as my 7 year old gets so excited to show Chu and Lydia our new baby goats. So excited she can't stand in one spot. 

Watch as Lydia learns to love someone who has taken a bit of spot light. 

Listen... As her little sweet voice says " "momma, Juice (Chu's) want more... Momma, Juice is crying. Momma can I dive un to juice?"

Watch as that bao bei  boy learns to be in a family. Learns to dance, to play, to pray,  to love. 

Listen to all of their giggles. 

Life is definitely not perfect! 

I do have My hands full! 

But you don't know the half of it...

You should see my heart! 

So full...